Will it do any good?

A friend of mine often says “If I could save just one…”

He is a good man; he has a good heart. He helps a lot of people in Laos. Sometimes it is an hour a day giving English lessons to a disenfranchised prostitute. Other times, he will pick up a gift of colored pencils and a pencil case to give to the school children. He will send money from overseas to help pay tuition or to assist in paying some medical expenses. He dreams of building a school for the children in a remote province. Some might say he is a sucker, a fool, but that doesn’t seem to stop him. Last night, he told me he often doubts that his efforts are doing any good.

How do you know if your good deeds are changing anything? Does it matter?

If we know that our benevolence will be well received, there is a comfort in that and the comfort can help encourage us. But if we do not know the results, do not know the effectiveness, our generosity, patience and loving kindness should not waver. I think, often times, people want reassurance that their efforts will be appreciated and worthwhile. People frequently will refrain from helping someone because they “know it won’t do any good.”

How some people have figured out the method of predicting the future is a mystery to me. They know a good deed will go unappreciated only because they believe that life, the world, the universe, the cosmos is static. I don’t live in a static existence. I live in a world of fractals, constantly building and growing and reacting and adjusting. I think I know which direction I’m going, but I have no guarantee that I will continue in this direction for one moment more. It’s chaos, but it is also quite organized… if I can only step back far enough to see the whole picture.

A number of years ago I was the patient of a very well respected psychotherapist, Dr. Robert Akeret. He is well known for his book titled, Photoanalysis: How to Interpret The Hidden Psychological Meaning of Photos, as well as his book, Tales from a Traveling Couch. In Tales, he tracks down a number of his former patients to see how they did or did not benefit from his work with them. It’s an interesting read.

Akeret and I went different ways after a year or so of counseling. At the time, I was pretty short of funds. He and I made an agreement that I would remit full payment for his services once I got back on my feet. After a few months, he sent a rather harsh letter reminding me we had made an agreement and he expected full payment even if I was not happy with the results of the work we had done together. It was clear from his letter that he believed I was angry with him and the result of the therapy and he implied in the letter that I was planning to welsh on the agreement. Other than sending a check for payment in full, I never corresponded with Akeret again.

I find it ironic that a man who wrote a book about following up on the progress of his former patients would jump to this conclusion. I did not then, nor do I now, hold any animosity towards the man. In fact, I am quite grateful for his role as a catalyst to a change in my life which was long over due. Akeret, I think, is one of those people who doubts whether he is being effective. Unless he stumbles across this blog, he will probably never know the gratitude I have.

How our actions and words shape the world, we most times never know. It is very easy to doubt that our efforts have been squandered. However, it is just as easy – and, I think, easier – to have confidence and dismiss doubt all together. There are plenty of people out there that are probably grateful for things you have done in your life. Maybe you smiled sweetly at an old man having a bad day and prevented him from putting his head in the stove. Or maybe that sweet smile simply made his morning coffee a little bit nicer. Maybe you said something in kindergarten that you don’t even remember, and it encouraged someone to strive to “love everyone (except those that hit)”. The list of maybes can go on forever. But itemizing the maybes is a quest for fools. The wise person sticks to proper action not because of the maybes – the results – but because it is the right thing to do. Do not doubt the benefit which you can offer the world with a smile or a helping hand.