Out Of The Forest

“If he is a good man,
A man of faith, honored and prosperous,
Wherever he goes he is welcome.

Like the Himalayas
Good men shine from afar.

But bad men move unseen
Like arrows in the night.”
- Dhammapada

A judgment was made about me the other day. It was determined I was not a good person. Needless to say, my first reaction was to feel insulted. The news came as a slap in the face. I consider myself a good person. I conduct myself with decency, fairness and generosity. I make a point of accepting the good in others and offering them a wide berth to refine themselves. Hearing this judgment the other day, shook my foundation.

How could it be that someone would think I was a bad person? Most people I know, and people I meet, go out of their way to tell me that I am very nice. I was once told someone me as ‘the nicest person you will ever meet’ – I think that might be a little overboard, but all in all I am a decent person. So I wondered, how could this judgment be made and on what grounds?

I discussed this with a journalist friend of mine from Turkey. She suggested that the person judging me was not at all responding to me, but instead, they were thinking only of themselves – I pose a threat to their control of an existing situation. I think my friend’s assessment is the only reasonable explanation.

In the book, The Four Agreements, one of the agreements is “Don’t take anything personally”. What people say about others has mostly to do with their own thoughts – their own perception of their reality – and very little to do with the person on the receiving end. If I apply what Don Miguel Ruiz wrote and include my Turkish friend’s assessment, I can come to terms with this unfounded judgment.

The terms are much easier to deal with. Basically, I silently discredit all this person said. They are wrapped up in their own personal greed and manipulation. However skewed, unfair or inaccurate that person’s opinion, it means nothing to me other than I must be extra diligent in my assertion of being a good person. It’s been a while since I’ve had any pudding, but I know, the proof is in there somewhere.

A note about the book, The Four Agreements: When I read this book in the summer of 2001, I almost stopped reading it. I found the first 30 or 40 pages to be almost patronizing. Someone sitting near me heard me scoff and told me to finish the book. She had already read it and told me that she and others have also had the same reaction. However, once you get through the first section, the book is an excellent primer. So basic yet potentially life changing, I highly recommend this reading. In fact, I always keep a few extra copies on hand to give out to people when they need a little mantra to get them through a tough patch – How’s that for being a bad person!