Anger

One of my favorite quotes of the Dhammapada, speaks about a subject which I have struggled with for many years: anger.

“Anger is like a chariot careering wildly.
He who curbs his anger is the true charioteer.
Others merely hold the reins.”
- Dhammapada

It’s not surprising to me that one of my favorite quotes has me so very stumped on how to address this subject. I considered dozens of different choices for discussing anger. I thought about myself and my personal history. I considered teenage angst, urban angst, swarming, Columbine, Thomas Aquinas, – all the typical stuff. I considered an episode of the Simpsons and some thoughts from the movie Awakenings. I considered the deep seated anger of the Hmong and how it escalated to sheer idiocy in Los Angeles. I considered metaphors of unresponsive steering wheels and the purpose of an emergency brake. I considered a number of approaches to talk about anger; possibly because there are so many available examples.

In lieu of deliberating indefinitely, I’ve decided to talk about a refining moment in my own evolution of anger management. It was something that happened about a year ago in Laos. In Asia, showing anger, yelling, stomping, waving arms are all seen as a sign of loosing control. It is looked down upon and I advise anyone who comes here to keep their anger in check. Not only does it make for an all around dismal feeling, it also is the beginning of a whole lot of effort to either make amends or sustain the anger.

The first time I lost composure in Laos was about a year ago. I was taken by surprise at an awkward time on a matter relating to money – specifically, money I owed. I didn’t entirely loose my cool. However, I did cross a line in personal relations, a thinner line in the east than the west. In the end, someone was singled out for upsetting me. I don’t think that person ever fully trusted me again.

What angered me was the surprise and the untimely information of a debt to be paid. Instead of pausing for a moment and suggesting an alternative solution, I became defensive and visually upset. Oh, let’s stop gussying up the words – I was pissed-off and I made a scene. I was completely out of sync with the local decorum.

After I was finished with my tantrum, it was explained to me that due to the time (Sunday night, 10pm) and the circumstances (I was staying at an isolated guest house on the edge of town), my debt could be paid in the morning when the banks open. Very simple.

Reading the quote about the chariot, I think not only of how I careered wildly, but also, how I embarrassed myself. Embarrassed because the stands were full when I made the exact wrong decision. Everyone knew it but me, I had let loose my grip on the reins.