Loving-kindness. That’s a loaded one, don’t you think? Ask someone about their thoughts on war or hatred or racism or violence, and they will most likely wax poetic with their opinion. Ask someone about their thoughts on loving-kindness, and watch the discomfort set in. Mettā parami, the 9th Buddhist Perfection, is a commonly confused concept.
Many people hear the term loving-kindness, get stuck on the love, never hear the kindness part and they arrive quickly at sex. Sex the first thing to dismiss on the path to loving-kindness. I’m not saying forget about sex. Sex is great, I’ve tried it. I’m saying focus on the loving-kindness part first, and the sex will be infinitely better as will family life, work, commuting, sleeping, eating, cooking, anything you may find yourself doing.
The next misperception to tackle is exclusivity. A little trick I’ve learned: You can love more than one thing. In fact, it is possible to love everything. Think of all the people, places and things in your world which you can love. Think about things such as your mother and your father and your sister and your best friend and your dog and your cat and your Japanese peace lily and your favourite football team and that catchy tune they are overplaying on the radio. It’s ok to love them all – and I mean really love them.
Love everything? Be kind to everything? What about the enemy? Most people will not accept loving their enemy. Sometimes they think about it on Sunday and they feel humbled, but rarely do we practice that. It seems like loving your enemy is the business of fools and saints and martyrs but not that of the common person.
But it is for the common person. And it can work out very well. It can change your day from the doldrums to euphoria. It can change someone else’s day from suicidal to elation. It can prevent an endless cycle of vengeance. It can transform you from the common to the uncommon. And like my Touching Souls entry, this can cause exponential growth.
Today, I broke bread with the annoying French scholar I mentioned yesterday. I thought he was very annoying. My first impressions of him made me think him arrogant and combative. He is from a different culture. However, it would have been exhausting for me to share the table with him while thinking about how I dislike him. It’s not how I wanted to spend my morning, so instead, I accepted him. He is quite intelligent. He is well-read. He has what we call ‘right-mind’. We had an excellent conversation. We possibly helped out a confused young man sitting with us. I had to love the Frenchman in order to have the morning I deserve – yes, I deserve one good morning every day, and if I have to love someone for what they are to get what I deserve, I am happy to do so.
Loving-kindness comes from acceptance. We loose track of loving-kindness when we are not willing to accept. When we draw lines, create distinctions, note differences we put up barriers. These barriers separate us from our very own world. They separate us from ourselves. Eventually we go to war, and the chasm becomes deeper and wider. If we are lucky, someone with a little loving-kindness comes along, shakes hands, accepts the differences, acknowledges the similarities and we swing back in the other direction. If we are not lucky, it’s time to step up and take matters into our own hands. Start with a little loving-kindness towards yourself, and then share it with someone else.
No comments:
Post a Comment