Complete and Together

 

Abimael Guzman, founder of the Peruvian Shining Path rebel group quoted Karl Marx in his marriage proposal to Elena Iparraguirre this week, saying: "The relationship between a man and a woman is natural, discreet and necessary." Personally, I find the statement rather obvious, but this very deadly couple may be on to something. How do we justify the union between two people?

Many people when they are young seek marriage as a cure-all for their life’s ambition. They race into this union – or even the union of boyfriend/girlfriend – very quickly. They glance at appearance, a common network of friends and interests and before they know it, they’re “together”. It’s great, but there is something to be said for taking your time.

I had a lovely afternoon with two Laos girls this afternoon at Kung’s Lao Café in Vientiane. One runs a restaurant and is opening a cooking school, the other works as a Laos-English translator at one of the government offices. Naturally, we talked about relationships.

One of the girls had been with her boyfriend for a long time, but the relationship ended. He was young and could not stay true to his girlfriend. Eventually, the lack of trust drove them apart and she was heartbroken. She spent 3 months crying and drinking and missing the one she loved. How could it be that she could love someone and at the same time not want to be with him? Lack of trust will create a very strong impasse in any relationship.

She went on to say that since the breakup four years ago, she has not had a boyfriend, has not wanted a boyfriend. Instead, she is spending time getting to know herself. She is spending time with her mother. She is spending time getting to know many boys. By asking herself, what do I like about this person, what do I not like about that person, she is learning about herself – she is completing her self awareness.

Although her English is good, I thought it better to write my thought for her. This is what I wrote:

½ x ½ = ¼

‘If you are not complete, if you are half a person, and you are with another incomplete person, you will both be less by the union,’ I explained. Then I wrote again on the paper another formula:

1 x 1 = 1

I pointed to the second equation and said, ‘If you are a complete person, if you are one, and you are with another complete one, then together, you can be one.’

This is good advice which too many people do not heed. Yet, there is one danger in following this advice. Being a complete person does not mean you are completed – it does not mean you have completed all growth, goals, perfections that lie before you. Being complete means that you can accept yourself fully which includes all your imperfections. Being complete means that you acknowledge you are a work in progress. Being complete means that you are strong enough to be happy on your own and strong enough to be happy with another work in progress.

I wish Presidente Gonzolo and Elena the best of luck. I can’t help but wonder what they will do during their 6 conjugal visits each year. I’m sure, whatever it is, it will be natural, discrete and necessary. I would like to think, as evil as they are, they have come to terms with themselves as complete people and they will embrace unity for all the joy it can bring.