another side track

There may be a thin or thick line between flexibility and complacency. I wonder if I might have fallen into a lull lately. Each day, I have fears that I have abandoned my dreams, hopes, goals, aspirations and plans. I sit by the pool, I stroll the aisles of Target with the housewives picking out acrylic margarita glasses, I wash and wax the car more times than any rational person should. ‘Why am I still here?’, I ask myself. Better yet, why am I not there? Is it fear? Is it responsibility for all the loose ends that never want to be tied? Or is it that I have become too attuned to the Dr. Suess philosophy of life that I end up more or less happy no matter where I go.

Lately, I have been recovering some lost time with loved ones. Maybe this is an important item to pack into my bag before I go. Maybe it is that I am complacent with just visiting. Maybe I simply do not care to be on my way yet. I am starting to accept that in my plans, I must be flexible. To be rigid, may, in fact, take me further away from this mysterious isle of appetizers. What regret might I feel, if I arrive at the table only to find that my appetite is for something else. If I did not consider my appetite before departing, I suppose it would be fine. But I do consider it and for a little while, my hunger takes me somewhere else.

They say, of all the senses, the sense of smell is the most powerful catalyst of memory. Today, I smelled a scent that reminded me of something; something I hope to never forget. That reminder solidified a recent notion I had to introduce another tangent to my trip. As much as the on-coming rains encourage me to leave today, I know there is something else I would rather do. Samosa eludes me today and I am happy with this choice. Too many times we set out on journeys and never realize that the destination we crave is right in our own back yard, right here within us. I refuse to do that this time. Perhaps I am a fool but I think to ignore this would be also foolish. So Anna, Gillian and I are going to head off for another long drive. I think we will start with Zion. But we all know where in my heart of hearts I want to be and where this trip will take us.